The Parent Coalition of the Kent County Great Start Collaborative recently brought in noted child psychologist, Sylvia Rimm, for a lecture, "Motivating Yourself and Your Children for Achievement". You may recognize her name because she used to be a contributing correspondent for NBC's Today Show and has been on ABC's 20/20 program.
Her speech included much discussion of common parental concerns, from the backfiring of the "self-esteem" generation, to giving children too much freedom and too many choices when they are young. She encouraged
us to let our children know we are proud of them by having them overhear us talking about them - "Sarah is such a good worker", said to a spouse or friend, rather than, "Sarah, do your homework!" You've gained their trust by that simple act of overhearing. Don't give them a false sense of themselves - all children are NOT the prettiest, the smartest, the best, but rather they should be encouraged to do their best, no matter what, with appropriate praise. Children can be smart, but not all children are brilliant.
In her work at the Cleveland Clinic, she's noted that sometimes a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD is a "dethroned emperor" child - a child who once ruled the roost as the only child, and is used to overpraising from the parent, but a new sibling comes along and dethrones the emperor. The parent needs to acknowledge the child's need for extra attention. Surround them with appropriate words!
I asked whether she agreed with the methods used on TV shows like Supernanny. She said she'd actually done similar things for the 20/20 show in the past, helping a family with problems, though not visiting them in their homes. She's a proponent of the idea of yes meaning yes, and no meaning no! Parents need to stick to their guns.
The Grand Rapids Public Library owns several books by Sylvia Rimm you might want to check out.
And visit her websites:
www.sylviarimm.com
www.seejanewin.com
